Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds; James 1:2Today has been 72 hours since I unplugged from my daily Facebook, TV, News, and other Social Media. I’ve been reading scripture that has to do with where I am in my life at this very moment. It was a hello moment for me today as I was sitting here thinking about what I had come to realize in just 72 hours. As I played it over in my head and thought about it and what I would write to let you all know how it was going, wow, God said, you’re not a writer, you are a messenger. That blew me away.
I have never been a writer ever, I’m more of a rambler. Writing is not one of my things, oh, but I so wanted it to be, God said no, a messenger. By things, I mean God allowed me to see that eliquate words and sentence after sentence that would reel you in is not me, but a simple message of truth with compassion would do just fine. I write just the way I talk. I do not use big words to express myself in real life or on paper, I never have. I’ve never really considered myself a BIG person, just Debbie. although many might say otherwise. I came from dysfunction, and I continued it in my own life for years. As a matter of fact, I didn’t even feel alive if there wasn’t drama or chaos going on around me because that was all I had ever known as a child. How sad is that? But, I know it happens more often than not.
I can tell you that as I look back at my life, it has been pretty sad from where I’m sitting much of the time. But, this right here, me telling you this, at 64 should be an eye-opener to anyone that has been or is here. Life does not have to be this way, we can choose to stop the madness. That is what I am doing right now in my life. I am choosing to stop the madness. Even if that means that I have to cut off ties with others. I told you in my last post that I have asked God to bring forth to light what has been in darkness all these years concerning all things in my life from my children to those that say they are my friend, to my own family. It is time to call it out and set myself free from that bondage of lies, deception, and dysfunction I’ve asked God to shine the light on all that is dirty and stand with me as I see it in the light, for real.
What brings a person to this point? When do they feel enough is enough, or they are ready for the next step, or the final step in their lives? I am not certain what brought me here I honestly do not think it was one thing but so many things. I shared with you in my last post that I was a very sensitive person, one who would take a lot from people, then hold it in, and allow it to hurt so bad. I guess that comes from being an adult child of an alcoholic. Don’t talk don’t tell, take it, hold, it and never share it.
The funny thing is when I got behind this screen 9 years ago, something slowly started to happen. I began to open up to strangers. God, said to me about 7 years ago to share that, I said I can not! He continued, so I did, He poured His grace over me. Over and over God would say share that. But, what I did not realize at that time nor would anyone was that he was building the foundation on which I was to stand. The one I had stood on for years was not safe, nor sturdy.
God, is building that foundation for me right now. Allow me to say that when you ladies write and tell me how strong I am, I have to stop and take a hard look at that sometimes. Because I am not strong, but, my God is. He has carried me, kicking and rebelling to safe places throughout my life. I am not strong, I now realize I had simply become numb to the happenings in my own life, and I cried out to God. I did not allow myself to feel the pain at times, I just went on like it was not happening, wow. Then there would be times I felt it so strongly it would send me to bed for a day or so.
No matter what life throws our way, please know God is there. Seriously, whatever life comes at us with, let God handle it, do not try to stand up against the enemy alone, you will not win! God has defeated the enemy already, the battle has been won, and YOU WIN with God!
I will be sharing from time to time with you on the page, and back there posting as usual when God has filled me, for I have been empty too long and I can not fill you if I am empty, can I? Thank you, for stopping by and reading my quest for claiming my like I can’t even say reclaim not sure I ever have until now. This is the place where I ramble and I love it here. I have gotten many requests for prayers from many of you in the last 3 days and I am praying for all of you as well.
Tonight, I leave you with this;
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 New International Version (NIV)
A Time for Everything
- There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
Love,
Debbie