It took me a few days to decide if I even wanted to share this with anyone, much less those I do not know personally. But, I thought about it for a while now and I think it is the right decision for me anyway. A way to share my feelings with all of you. While some will totally understand there will always be the ones that just do not, and never will. So, here goes.
During this pandemic, I will have been home for 3 weeks this Monday, April 6th. Alone, like many of you, just myself my cat and my little dog. They bring me a lot of joy and stay right by me, they love their Mama! Three weeks ago this Thursday, Mr. Shabby totally feel off the wagon, sadly. I was called by his boss Friday, March 20 after he has already missed Thursday. I hear you, I know what many of you are saying, from God bless you and him, to let it go he obviously enjoys this. I have even had people say, what are you going to do about it? Really, what can I do that I haven’t already?
Let me be very clear, very! Addiction, is addiction read that again!!!! When things get stressful in their lives whatever it is that sets them off they run to drugs to escape, feel better or not at all. Much like those of us that EAT to suppress their feelings, or light up that cigarette or joint, or pop the top on the next beer or pour that glass of wine, mixed drink you get it, to just DE-STRESS, right! To be clear and I am coming from a place of compassion because I too have my own issues. While I do not smoke, drink or do drugs, I love Dr. Pepper, you say well come on that’s ok. I have tried to stop drinking them and have for months on end, but let me crave one, just one and I’m right back on them daily.
What I am trying to say is this, I realized that if I could not totally walk away from Dr. Pepper after being told I had ulcers and not to drink them why in the world would I or could I expect someone anyone of you to walk away from your addiction, whatever it may be. I am concerned about Mr. Shabby during this time and this lets me know the man has a bigger problem than I ever thought. So, pray for him for us, our son and his soon to be son. It is hard enough with this pandemic. Many may be saying why, why do you care why have you not totally let go? To that I say this, I know the man, the Mr. Shabby, that is kind, thoughtful, helpful, loving, and hs been there for me through the years again and again when he is sober. The man that jumps the neighbor’s car off when it is pouring rain, simply because she asked.
You see, I know the man that has shared his fears with me, what it is like to want to use and fight that feeling until it wears you down. I know HIM. I love the man I married, the man he still is inside but, drugs have already taken his life, way before they probably will be the reason the takes his last breath! Be kind to others you never know how is facing what. I have had people say you’re a beautiful woman, you could have anyone you wanted. No, the one I want is sick, and I have no control over it and I am starting to see that he is weak there and has no control either in that area. I will take it one day at a time as I sit here at home alone. I have had so many people that called themselves friends but came after me about leaving him behind, forgetting him and moving on, some here but, most often it is the very ones that say this that have their own addictions they choose not to give up but expect others too. So, to that, I say shame of you, shame on you. If you do not agree with me here that is fine you never have to read anything I write again your choice. But, I will not allow others to degrade Mr. Shabby or me for my decisions to stand in the Gap for him with prayers to my God! Stay safe all of you, know that you are loved and I care. Remember that your very words to a loved one can be very hurtful, as we worry and love them just like you would if it were your son, or husband, wife, etc. You do not stop loving someone simply because they have an illness. So, yes, I finally think it is an illness, I truly do, I have seen it for years. You can think what you want about it, but if you have not been there up close and personal don’t judge, that is not your job, nor mine.
This is where I am right now, and you?
Debbie
Debbie….I am not sure why I am not seeing your posts right away?
I just felt way back when you asked for prayers again, that maybe he had started using, or disappeared again!!
I have followed and chatted with you for years, and you know how I feel about you, friend! <3 <3 <3
I knew how much he enjoyed his job, how well he had done for a year, viewed his graduation, was so thankful when you decided that you could not leave your home, and move "over there",…. and that a 1 yr trial of sobriety was decided on, way back then. I thought his job, where and what he was doing, would help him stay on the "wagon," so to speak. I remember telling him one time that I hoped he realized how lucky he was that he had YOU by his side, and he commented that he KNEW! I was SO sure that YOU were the only one he REALLY loves, but that addiction respects no one, and that cycle is SO strong, that many people are helpless. I felt that he sincerely knew that he needed the LORD back in his life…….But, no excuses, these are stressful times, and we are all so weak without God's help! The days and nights can get so very long when we are alone, with our doubts and fears. Yes, the devil is alive and well, lurking around every corner, waiting to catch us at our weakest point to whisper one more time in our ear!
Just praying here for you, I DO BELIEVE it is necessary to keep on LOVING someone, but HATING what has happened again. I pray that he has been found, and will go back to rehab again and again, until they (at rehab) can get the treatment right, and he can flourish being the whole man that God has created him to be!
Blessings and prayers for you both.
P.S. And I too, must wear a sign on my back that attracts people like him, as I love to listen and try to help!
I remember more than 30 years ago, telling someone that I would ALWAYS love them, and that they held a special place in my heart, however, I would never LOVE some of their actions, nor be able to defend them if they were wrong. THAT person went on to live an unhealthy lifestyle, went to prison, served his time, lived more of a troublesome life, and ended up committing suicide. Drugs are terrible, and alcohol can be as bad, possibly?
I have seen enough of it that I would never knowingly use drugs……and that is my prayer for everyone that I know.
Love you, C J
I’m praying hard for you both! There is a lot of history there and he is the father of your child. Of course you love him and want the best for him. You have to live your life! It’s no one else’s business! Good luck to you both and I know fog has your backs!! Big big hugs to you both.
Oh Debbie, my heart goes out to you. I lost my husband fifteen years ago to alcoholism and his baby sister followed in his steps last year. It is hard to understand how hard we try to help, to be there, to understand. We can never love them enough, never be enough, never love enough, and we can’t just let go. My love and heart go out to you.. praying.
It just makes you sick, just sick. Nothing I or anyone can do either. I know God has tried and Mr. Shabby just follows his own will.
Debbie I know only too well what addition can do to a family. My only son was allowed to stay with his father when we got divorced when he was in 8th grade, at his request. He said his dad needed him. That same father mentally abused that child until he turned to pot to dull the pain. Then it was pot and booze. His dad sent him to live with me when he was 15, and I inherited a full blown drug and alcohol habit. I got him into rehab and once released the first thing he did was hook up with his old friends. That started the circle all over again. We spent years in and out of rehab and doctors trying to help him. He wanted it, but then like you said something would trigger something in him and he would be off and using again. On Aug. 17, 1992 I lost him to the drugs and alcohol. He had just turned nineteen years old. So Debbie, I understand, and you do what you feel is right for you. You make those calls, you help him when he wants it and you pray that he stays sober. When we lose a life, it isn’t just one life it’s a whole lot of lives affected. Love you lady and what you do for all of us, let us know what we can do for you.
Nancy
Oh, sweet Nancy, I am so sorry I am just getting back with you. Your story made me cry, God how in some ways I can understand your loss. I know someone that her son is also an addict, she always told me, Debbie losing a husband it hard yes, but when it is your child it is harder, trust me. I thought about that for awhile and I think she is right. (((hugs))) to you. BIG ONES
Well, I’m a bit late in reading your blog, Debbie. After reading your blog and other women’s comments I’m in tears!
We don’t stop loving someone, especially a spouse after sharing so many years together, because of addiction! Please know you and Mr. Shabby are in my prayers! I can’t even imagine the ‘hell’ he must be in! I pray that Father will wrap His loving arms around Mr. Shabby and keep him safe and well! And that Father will hold you in His arms of comfort, peace, and protection! I’ve followed you for so many years and I feel like you have become a close friend and a sister in the Spirit! Love you, sweet friend!🙏💕 Hugs!
Oh, Susan, I am just now getting to write back since my eye has been bothering me. Their shares touch me so deeply, their loss, their pain. So much addiction in this world in some form. The devil must be pretty proud of himself! I love you, my sweet friend, thank you, for your comment and your prayers.
I am so.sorry to hear this. Addiction is an awful thing. I will.pray he is able to stop.taking the drugs. You know alcohol sales are up right now. There are many things people use to escape. I understand loving the man you knew for so long. Prayers for your family.
Renee, I am sure they are, people seem to have a time coping more and more and they turn to whatever makes them forget, and feel better, period. Part of me gets so mad at Mr. Shabby for that, I think hey, I have to face life sober why can’t you? The answer to that is, I do not know for the life of me I don’t.
Dear Debbie, I have followed you and prayed for you for quite some time. 4 Weeks ago today, our 23-year-old son died of an overdose. He struggled for about 8 years. When our son was 18 we had to give him an ultimatum, go get help or move out. We still had our at the time 16-year-old son to protect. He moved out. It was so terrifying to not know when or if you were going to get that knock on the door that something horrible happened. Two years ago he finally decided to go to rehab. He did okay for a few months and then needed to go back last June. This time he had 7 months being clean and clear-minded. It was so wonderful to see the progress. He was being trained as a house manager at the sober living place he was living in. He had worked very very hard to make amends with our family. As you know well addiction does damage to the person and the loved their loved ones. It brings chaos in the home. Distrust. Despair for all. This past Christmas our son was so excited to be clean, able to enjoy the holiday and family time. He was more excited to give gifts than receive. We also saw him work extra hard with his younger brother because they were estranged for 6 months. It was such a Blessing to see them reconcile. We understood our younger son’s disappointment, frustration, and anger toward his older brother, but we just prayed over that and let God take care of that and He did! PTL!
We don’t know exactly what happened or what triggered our son. He had contacted me on FaceTime the day before he died and we had such a good conversation. I am grateful God gave me that conversation and Facetime so I could see my boy. For some reason, I could not explain at the time the next 24 hours I felt so uneasy and unsettled in my spirit. Well the next day, we found out. We got the dreaded knock on the door that I had feared for so many years. Our son was gone. He relapsed and overdosed. They say it was not intentional, he just was not used to taking drugs anymore and the drugs are not consistent when made by drug dealers. I cannot explain the pain my husband, our younger son and extended family and friends felt. We had prayed for so so long for his recovery. The one thing that saves our sanity, deals with our pain and gives us hope is that Samuel is with Christ. He is healed. He is secure. He has no more physical or emotional pain. Jesus has him. We know this because a couple of months ago my husband and I talked with our boy about his salvation through Christ. He was raised and taught in a Christian home, but kids need to own that for themselves. I know God put that on my heart to make sure Sam was saved. He told us what he believed and that he accepted Christ as his savior and had shared that with his best friend. Thank you Jesus for that! I am actually able to write this today without the dreaded tidal wave of tears. Its because I know God loves me. Its because HE can use our story for HIS GLORY. Now don’t get me wrong anything can bring tears to me at any point of the day but I truly want God to use this family’s story in any way He sees fit. We will see our son again! We will rejoice with him in heaven. I am told that about 1 month into having such loss and grief it starts to get less intense. Well, that day is today. We will see how the rest of the day goes. Thank you for letting me share our story. Debbie prayers for you and Mr. Shabby always. Jan
Jan, I am crying and my heart is too. Reading this was heart-wrenching I get it, totally. The ironic thing is that Mr. Shabby has said to me more than once during his sober times and with his heart, that the only way he felt he could really escape this was death. He has told me over and over sober that takes your life before it kills you. Out of his mouth came those words to me many times. Dear Lord, the devil is alive and runs wild on this earth, seeking what he may destroy. So many lives not just of the addicts but the family that love them so deeply and watch their demise from the evils of drugs, the liar that they are. (((hugs))) my love, my prayer for you and your family. Thank you, for sharing, people need to know even in the middle of this pandemic. I pray that this will be over soon, but the drug epidemic will still be there for those that survived this pandemic.
Love,
Debbie
Hi Debbie, Thank you for your kind words and prayer! Mr. Shabby is right about addiction taking your life. Our son told us quite a few times that he did not feel he would live long in this life. It always scared me so much. My husband chose to believe God was building Sams testimony and would use it. Well that was true, but not the way he was thinking. God is using Sam’s testimony even though he died. We can see how God is using Sam and us by sharing his story. My friends are surprised and happy to see us be fairly strong getting through all of this. We must give that credit to the LORD!! I am a crier. I cry over other people pain. You just never know when I will break down!! I have always been like that. I cannot believe that I have been able to remain calm and express a certain amount of joy during this time. Yes, the 1st day was HORRIBLE I even threw up. Yes the tidal wave of grief came over us often this last month, but I am amazed how God is allowing me to get through this and be able to share HIS work and LOVE in our lives. How Sam is with HIM now and how we know this…. hope I am making sense! Sam has young friends who will Lord willing hear the WORD that they may never have heard before when we finally get to have his memorial. His friends will see HOPE. We are waiting as patiently as possible to have our boys memorial, it is hard because we want to celebrate our sons good side of him. We want people to know that there is hope in Christ and His Healing here on earth or maybe only in Heaven the way it happened for Sam. Love and His Blessings on You!
Blessings to you all, may God and his angels remain close and give you Peace!
We lost a young troubled man, so dear to us, to suicide years ago. I too believe the Devil is alive, roaming among us, to torture the vulnerable. God is good though and will never leave us, is there beside us whenever those dark hours catch up, and we cry yet again!
(((jan))) that is all I can do it is too hurtful for me to think about so I try not to. I write my feelings that does seem to help me for a while.
Dear Debbie, So sorry to hear about your husband. My husband is a recovering alcoholic, has been sober for almost 40 years. He is a Vietnam Veteran, and was wounded during his tour 1968-69. I understand your pain, prayers for you. It is in God’s hands. Addiction is a genetic disease, my husband has to be cautious about any medicine that is additive. We have been through many trials, with certain pain meds for example. Prayers and God Bless you! ♡
Dear Debbie, So sorry to hear about your husband. My husband is a recovering alcoholic, has been sober for almost 40 years. He is a Vietnam Veteran, and was wounded during his tour 1968-69. I understand your pain, prayers for you. It is in God’s hands. Addiction is a genetic disease, my husband has to be cautious about any medicine that is additive. We have been through many trials, with certain pain meds for example. Prayers and God Bless you! ♡
Debbie, I’m sorry that you are dealing with so much emotional trauma in your life. Seems like you just can’t catch a break. We all seem to struggle with our own issues over and over again. No matter how much we want to change things, Satan keeps on tormenting us day by day. He wants to keep us off track so he can laugh in God’s face because His chosen ones aren’t perfect, nor are we living the abundant life He wants for us. John 10:10 / I Peter 5:8 / John 16:33 / James 1:2-4
Your compassion for Mr. Shabby really touches my heart. You know the real person inside of him and no one in this cyber world does. People will say whatever they want as long as they are typing on a keyboard, and, as you know, they often say some of the most hateful and judgmental things. The Internet is truly a blessing and a curse.
Remember this childhood song?
He’s still working on me
To make me what I ought to be
It took him just a week to make the moon and stars
The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars
How loving and patient He must be
‘Cause He’s still workin’ on me
There really ought to be a sign upon my heart
Don’t judge him yet, there’s an unfinished part
But I’ll be better just according to His plan
Fashioned by the Master’s loving hands
He’s still working on me
To make me what I ought to be
It took him just a week to make the moon and stars
The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars
How loving and patient He must be
‘Cause He’s still workin’ on me
In the mirror of His word
Reflections that I see
Makes me wonder why He never gave up on me
But He loves me as I am and helps me when I pray
Remember He’s the potter, I’m the clay
He’s still working on me
To make me what I ought to be
It took him just a week to make the moon and stars
The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars
How loving and patient He must be
‘Cause He’s still workin’ on me
We all need to keep this song close to our hearts and minds.
Sadly, some of your subscribers probably do not know God. How wonderful it would be if this pandemic brings people to their knees in repentance and they start having a lovingly, spiritual relationship with Christ!
Stay strong and know that there are people like me who are praying for you and Mr. Shabby.
I’m so glad you have your furry babies to snuggle with when life gets hard. ❣️
Source: LyricFind / Songwriters: Joel Hemphill / He’s Still Working on Me lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group
Deb, I do, thank you SO MUCH! I hope you had a nice Palm Sunday, as nice as it could be for being shut in.
Love,
Debbie
Debbie,
You and Mr Shabby both have my prayers. I have been where you are . You cannot cure an addict no matter how much you wish to do so. No one has the right to judge you for what you do or feel in this situation.
If it helps, know that are many people who are praying and wishing the best for both of many.
Much love and many hugs.
Barbara
(((hugs))) from a distance Barabra, thank you.
Love,
Debbie
This is a very stressful time for everyone. Prayers for Me. Shabby and you and your family. You do what is right for you.
Thank you, Carol.
I know how you feel , we don’t stop loving them , keep praying ❤️
Linda, so we don’t if only it were that simple.
Love,
Debbie
yes, I live that too
((((hugs)))))
Barbara, I am so sorry.
Love,
Debbie
Awwww, Debbie…I’ve been divorced for 12 years, snd still pray for my ex-husband. Do I want him back? No…God cut that chord…but he blessed me with my children, and becsuse of that I have my grandchildren. I won’t ever disrespect him or put him down, again, because he is my kid’s dad. I am, however, thankful he is not my husband. I completely understand your need to pray over him. Bless you, Debbie, I’m praying for you, too.
Melly, I understand totally and I hear you girl, I pray God’s will over my life as well as Mr. Shabby’s I would love to move on with it NOT tugging at my heart 24/7 38 years of memories that are just instilled in me at this time. Some of the best memories ever and some of the worst. God bless you on this Palm Sunday.
I went through it with my x .. with many people urging me to give up on him .. it was hurtful .. I admire your stanch & your compassion for his struggles .. standing in the gap works miracles … I pray for you both .. & for your family to stay strong despite setbacks to withstand the storms .. iv seen couples recover their marriages in the same situations .. mine could not be salvaged but I didn’t have the history with him as you have had with yours .. God bless you both & bring the healing into your life’s that you need to continue your journey❤️
Love you, Melly!
You hang in there girl. No one can tell you what to do or how to do it. I have shared with you that my brother was an addict. He has passed away but when he was alive …. I loved him. Sometimes from a far and even behind a closed door. But yet I still loved him. Addiction is an illness just as you stated. So stay strong and live day by day. God doesn’t ask for more than that. Take care, Jan
Jan, I remember, and I am sorry for your loss, that prison they are in is awful with addiction. Mr. Shabby has told me many times when he was sober for months that it was like something that took over your mind, once you started getting high you were chasing it over and over until you were exhausted from it and needed to sober up for a minute. That is when he would say I am done no more and he wanted to be done, he wanted it so badly. We as his family are sure of that much. He did all he knew, but that demon came back talking in his ear, making sure he once again hit the bottom.
Love,
Debbie
Thank you, Jan. I am hanging in there the best I can at the moment.
Love,
Debbie
My Prayers for you and Mr. Shabby! God can take care of it all and it is in his hands. We are just the vessels in which to demonstrate God’s love. Bless you, take care of you also!
Gina, Amen to that.
Love,
Debbie
Gina. Amen to that.
Debbie, I’m so sorry. You’ve been carrying a lot these past weeks. I know you’ve been praying for Mr Shabby but I’m glad you shared it here so that we can pray w you and know what you’re going through during this already difficult time. My ex was addicted to alcohol, drugs, sex. We divorced and I remarried but always continued to pray for him, he would even ask me to. We became friends again before he passed away and he was a changed man. Don’t give up. God always has a plan and prayers work.
Thank you, Terri. 🙂
Oh, Terri, I am thankful you remarried and I pray you are happy, happy, happy! I feel as if part of me has been in prison with Mr. Shabby and his addiction. I want to be free from it, I am so tired of the worry, the hurting, the unknown of it all.
Love,
Debbie
I can only imagine, Debbie. My prayers are with you both ~ once again! 💞
I hear you. I am a mother of a meth addict in recovery. She has 13 years sobriety. When it was going on I had 2 of my 3 brothers tell me to just get over my daughter and move on. I could not. This was my daughter. I ended up raising her 3 sons and adopting the. I wanted them to know they had family that loved and wanted them. My daughter now has13 years sobriety from meth! We have an excellent relationship today. I am so proud of her. Addiction is addiction just as you stated for whatever reasons. It is a real issue and it is hard to watch the one you love fall under its spell. I know I have been there and am grateful for her recovery.
Suzanne, God bless you, her and your grandchildren. I am so thankful for her sobriety too, that makes my hert smile.
Praying for you and Mr. Shabby as you both go through this. God is able, He is bigger than any problem we have in this world. Keep your eyes on the Lord. He will direct you. God bless you for seeing Mr. Shabby’s heart and not just his current difficulty.
Yes, God is able, and I pray for God to help this man, but I know this man has to seek God first, or that is how I feel.
Love,
Debbie
My heart breaks for you and for Mr. Shabby. My father had an addiction so I know some of what you have gone through. You don’t need to explain to anyone why you choose to still love and pray for him. Until they have walked in your sboes, and shared many years of marriage – with good years as well as bad, they have no right judging you or him. Praying for you and Mr. Shabby. 😢🙏
My father did as well, so did my first husband. I seem to seek them or attract or both. IDK
Love,
Debbie
I understand completely. Addiction is an illness and it invades the body and mind like a cancer. There is nothing wrong about standing by the person you love. The person you know is good and loving before the addiction monster took over. If you haven’t been close to this disease you will never understand. The addict and the person inside are different. My daughter had a heroin addiction beginning in college and lasted 6 years. It was torturous and heartbreaking but that person was not my sweet, kind daughter that donates formula and diapers to the Pregnancy Center. The girl who took care if her grandma for months when she was sick. The one who takes groceries to her friends when they can’t afford them. The addict was the victim if a disease . Stand where you need to be. Mr Shabby will need help and when he reaches out for it someone needs to reach back. Stress is a huge trigger for this disease. I’ve seen others fall when stress us overwhelming. Lijecany disease it attacks when we are at our weakest. My daughter has 6 years clean now!!! She has a loving heart and a will to help anyone with an addiction or any other struggle. You and your family are always in my prayers.
Tandi, I pray she stays clean the rest of her life, God bless her! As well as you. Mr. Shabby just got out of a 12-month rehab that was in-house graduated with honors, within 3 months of being out of that control environment bam back on drugs. Happy Palm Sunday, my friend
Dear Debbie,
I will be thinking of you and praying that you are well. I don’t have any answers for you but I know prayer has to be as close as my breath. God bless you, Mr. Shabby, my loved ones. Peace.
Lady I totally understand! It is very hard when you love someone and there is really nothing else you can do for them. I have for some time been praying for you and Mr. Shabby and will continue to keep you both in my prayers. Yes! It is a sickness! Only God can heal! Love and prayers.
Debbie I have read what you wrote and all the comments. They have said it all that I would say. I’ve told you before we live this with our granddaughter ….heat breaking..yes it hurts…yes but through prayer and never turning my (our) back on her she is still here with us not as bad as years before but once addicted asways addicted and I had to come face to face with that fact. I didn’t want to and yes it can be done to come clean but it has to be there choice! It’s been almost 9 years already and yes we sent her to Teen Challenge did a year and graduated…within 3 weeks was back into drugs.. Much love and prayers Debbie for you and your family to defeat this battle against the Demons! Never give up on an addicted ❤️🙏
Prayers for you and your family, never judgement. Only Love and prayers 🙏🏼🙏🏼
Addiction, I know you well. My ex was an alcoholic and after many years went into rehab and stopped drinking. But he was not sober, yes sober from alcohol but not from it having a hold on his mind. He did change, but not for the better. Addiction to drugs is so much harder to conquer, some do and some never do but it is your choice and yours alone in how you deal with this. I was prepared for my life to get better after he stopped drinking but instead he became a workaholic and addicted to the attention of other women and in the end had a year long affair before I found out about it. I stayed but put him out. He never once asked for forgiveness or to come home, instead he said he loved her and had never loved me and that was that. I was frozen in place for quite some time and had family angry with me for not moving away. I prayed daily and sometimes more than once or twice a day. God finally sent a wonderful man into my life by way of a friend and eventually I did move away. My ex filed the divorce papers, not me. My life today is so good and I am happily remarried. Two years ago my ex died. He never remarried, was in declining health for years, and I truly don’t think he was ever able to be happy. Live your life and those that love you will wish you well. Those that don’t, it’s their problem and their loss.
Sweet lady I am praying for you and Mr. Shabby. Love has softened many a heart and God says prayer can move mountains. I wish I knew the answer, if i did i wouldnt still be smoking after 40 years. I hate it, i am ashamed of it but yet i do. There’s no reason, no excuse. I dont understand myself. I PRAISE God that bone of my children became addicted to drugs! I pray for mercy, grace and wisdom for my grandchildren, that they never fall to that temptation. It is a demon straight out of the pits of hell. It is destroying our country by destroying families. My precious daughter in law’s dad has been an addict for 30+ years. I have a friend whose 30 yr old son is a shell of what her child was. In all honesty I would like to lock them away until they stop hurting those I love. The ones who love them so very much. But it doesnt work that way. Just as you cant turn your back on Mr. Shabby, neither can they. You cant stop loving. They have had to separate themselves at times for fear of what kind of criminals (daughter in law’s dad esp) might be with them. But they keep loving and praying and crying and praying and sometimes scream at but always loving those that have chosen this hell on earth that turns into a sickness. I’m a firm believer that as long as there is breath, there is hope. ❤
You and him love each other. Everyone has someone in their lives that others will not understand the relationship. You do what is best for him and you. You owe nobody an explanation. Will be praying for both of you
I SO GET YOU….. leaving it right there! I will keep you all in my prayers!
Oh Debbie , just sending prayers for your family. There isn’t one easy thing about this . Much love your way . Extra hugs too
Oh Debbie , just sending prayers for your family. There isn’t one easy thing about this . Much love your way
Dearest Debbie
I read your message, then read bits n pieces again… our hearts are a funny thing… we cannot control them with our brains, our intellect, our logical thinking… our hearts are separate and apart from all those things… and when we love with our hearts… it is not easy to let go… nor should it be
A true friend will stand by you through thick and thin… I have certainly had my own trials and tribulations… so have my dear women friends… through it all… one thing remained a constant… “friends will love you unconditionally if they are a true friend, without judgment”
Know that I am out here
Know that I care
I lost my younger brother Shawn at 36 to addictions, sadly he took his life… it is an ache in my heart… always will be
You have done, and are doing all that you can… know that
Mr Shabby needs your love ❤️ if everyone gives up on him, what does that say to him… “I am unloveable”….
That is not who you are
Sending my love and positive prayers for your healing, courage, and strength to get through this part of your journey in life ❤️
Much love and the biggest of hugs
Stay safe ~ be well ~ stay healthy
Annie
Victoria BC 🦀🐳🦀
Debbie
Let me start by saying I am a nurse…..doesnt make me an expert on anything but some of the patients I have are previous drug abusers….current drug abusers or trying to recover drug abusers. One thing that is certain…a drug abuser WILL RELAPSE……so this means dont think theyll never do it again….IT IS A PROCESS…and you will be disappointed when it does happen again. I think you have to be PREPARED FOR WHEN it does happen again…because it will. He needs to recognize his triggers…he may need help with that….and learn how to deal with them. If he truly wants to help himself…he will get back on the wagon and try it again….until he gets there. It will probably be harder for you than him.
So….to address your Dr. Pepper issue….the struggle is real….I found out 17 years ago…I was diabetic….I’m pretty sure I drank about 12 Dr. Peppers a day…and I’m not exaggerating that. Once I found out I was T2 diabetic…I stopped all that stuff. I do get a craving for one now and then…I’ll go ahead and drink that stupid thing and wind up with a bad headache. So I have to decide is that headache really worth 2 hours of headache. Sometimes yes…sometimes no. For the most part I have a dr pepper once or twice a year. once u dont drink it for a while I think they taste just horrible. But I get it….I get what you’re saying.
If you have a good relationship with Mr. Shabby…just reinforce it’s not too late to try again…and again…and again..if necessary. Just dont let yourself go down the rabbit hole with him…if that’s where he decides.to take his life….it has to begin with him….just let him know you’ll be there for him. I have a patient right now who is a young 43 yr old man…who was in his life prior to being homeless….a surgical tech….he is in my care for frostbiten feet…and just had all 10 toes surgically removed. I have asked him several times how did you let this happen….alcohol was a big part…..it makes me very sad to see this happen to anyone. So anyone, I think that has an addictive personality will always fight a battle….but it can be done. Do the best you can…..dont judge….and if you’re able…send him a daily text, a note to his address…something that will reach him..and do it daily….sounds like a lot…but I guarantee you he will need it. In my prayers and sending you and Mr. Shabby peace….
Yes, the struggle is REAL. I truly thought that this one year rehab where is stayed inhouse would or might try to help with his triggers. no, I have said and still say to this day, if you have NO idea what triggers your desire to run and use, drink, smoke, overeat how will you ever stop it? Just asking, because from my perspective to get healthy or healthier one has to know how to fight the need to use,etc.
Am I right?
Debbie, you can do nothing to help him, but pray for the Lord to intervene. He is on his own with the Lord. I had an addicted son, only the Lord could help him. He would do good. then “boom” all of a sudden, he was under the devils control again, but he kept trying, so that is worth something to me. There are no amount of times the Lord will help if he is willing to help himself as well. Bible says “70 times 7”. Keep that promise and you will survive. Prayer is never out of fashion when and when not in trouble or concern.
Love to you and hugs,
Carolyn
Oh Debbie, my heart is hurting for you and your husband today. I don’t judge you at all. I admire you for loving him and trying to support him in his recovery. Even tho he has had a slip now doesn’t mean he won’t ever be clean. These are trying times. He couldn’t take the stress and pressure of what has been going on. For an addictive person this is part of the pattern. I will be praying for the entire family to have mercy on him and ignore those who choose to give you negative opinions. you need positive people around you who love you for you. I’m not going to try to give you advice because I’m not a professional. I’m going to be here for you as a friend to listen and understand the best I can. If you feel like venting, go to messenger and vent away. I’m truly not a Person who judges and looks down on anyone with any problems. I’m always here for you. ❤️❤️🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Betty
I am with you , sweet Debbie. Praying for him and for you too as you go through all of this. Love, prayers, hugs and care ~ Carla Altland