It has been a few days since I rambled here, that’s what I call it because much of the time that’s what it comes out like, me rambling. Most of you have been with me for several years. You have let me complain, too much at times, but, I learned from that. You allowed me to share my life, as pathetic as it was at times. Many of you offered advice and I listened. I lived alone for 2 years then Mr. Shabby decided to get clean and I wanted nothing more for him to be the man I knew he could be.
He and I somewhere along the way seem to still care about each other but, it seemed like something was missing, something very important, the love. Not just me loving him I do but, being in love with him. It is a must you ladies know that it is hard when you love someone but, are no longer in love. Over the Holidays we came to a critical point in our relationship, there isn’t one. He will stay where he is, and I will move from the home we shared for 12 years before he moved out over 3 years ago.
I am scared even though I have been alone for a while, this move has me feeling fearful. Or maybe it is knowing that for the first time in 64 years I am moving into a place that will be mine and mine alone. No one to look back on for support, no son, no Mr. Just me, and God. I shared a post today that truly made me think of me right now. I know that if my home had not sold I would just stay here and figure it all out. Moving, just the thought of packing and walking away from the home where all my grandchildren grew up, memories of great times with my parents here, so many wonderful memories.
I have been looking at apartments and homes to rent and I have found NOTHING. I would like to ask my prayer warriors to pray, pray that what looks impossible to me is nothing for God. My time is closing on and I need that place, that one place that I can afford and when I go there I can feel it, see it and know that I would be ok there. I know for some that might sound odd, but, I have to feel it, or I know that it will work for me and let’s face it who wants to move again and again in their 60’s? I’m not saying I want I’m just saying I’m a nester I get settled and want to just stay put. Please pray for strength for me, this is hard. I need peace about it and I am praying for the right place that I can afford alone and that feels like home, or at least not a total turn off.
Please do not feel bad for Mr. Shabby and me, we had our day in the sun, a life of splendor. But, people change, things change, both for us. I wish him well, God knows that. I wish me well too, God knows it is my turn to live.
My Prayer Warriors, I love you and want to thank you once again for your love, prayers, and messages. A good friend had me see her brother in law who is a financial advisor. I took my total income, my total debts, the contract on my home to him. We sat down and he went through it step by step. His sound advice was to stay in my home for now. Even though it is more that I need space was rent is almost double the payment of my home. For me to not spend one dime of my equity money which is what I would have to do to get into a Garden home in the next couple of year he says staying here would keep me from having to dip into it if I chose to rent something that will cost me more than my home. His advice was ” This is just what I would advise my own Mother, Ms. Debbie” He did not charge me since his sister in law is my bestie for all time. He took time with me over 2 hours and I think he is right. Man, things have taken so many turns, but, I am headed on a straight path now. Praise the Lord.
Love to all,
Debbie