I posted a quote this AM about praying that the tears we cried in 2019 will water the seeds we plant in 2020! I must share for those of you that think your life is rotten. We all go through times like that. Last night while talking to a friend checking in on me while I am sick. I told her 2019 was slowing lowering my anxiety level with Mr. Shabby, I was starting to trust him after all these years, trust us. It was a rocky year with him in rehab the whole year, well until September 2019.
I told her that 2020 as of last night had not been here for 2 weeks and I had sold my home of 15 years, found an apartment, been sick as I could be and at the doctor twice for it in 2020. The script then flipped and was sent by a wonderful friend to see a financial advisor. Who said no, it would not be in your best interest to move and use any of your assets from the home. I would need all of that equity money to put down on a small Garden Home in the next year or so, good Lord willing.
So, I had lived alone for almost 3 years, Mr. Shabby wanted to get clean stay clean show me he loved only me and move away from this home and start over in the latter part of 2018 he went to rehab with full support from me and all of his family. As I said 2019 was starting to feel better, my trust was building, but, not totally there, not sure it would have ever been totally, once you have lived in it for years, but, God can change ALL things. I thought this was it for us in our older years, the man I once loved so very much.
Life has a way of just showing up at the door and you deal with it. Or at least that’s the way mine has gone all my life. I can say that in the year, the 2 weeks of 2020 it’s been life as usual a whirlwind. I have asked God to show me the way He wants me to go. I’ve told myself over and over that life is what you make it. For me, it is like taking a piece of metal and bending it with my bare hands. I am such a creature of habit. I think it is time for this old dog to learn some new tricks, by tricks I mean a new way to do life. To allow me the right to make a mistake but correct it right away. To lean more on God and lean less on my own emotions. After all, emotions come and go, right?
If you are shaking your head and saying Debbie, Debbie, you are not alone. I have already looked back on the last 2 weeks and said Lord, get me well, guide me through 2020 I seem to make such a mess of it on my own. But, the one thing I do even when I make a mess of it is, OWN it. Thank God, I made it here and again may the tears we cried in 2019 water the seeds we sow in 2020! How many of you remember the old song? “Too Much Too Little Too Late” By; Johnny Mathis and Deniece Williams. that’s how I feel- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8QlAMcaOBI&fbclid=IwAR2SfzIX8VnfIap58w_SR1iHcONCLbj0ls-oJmNWg2P_xcBjhNjGI1K_FR0
Debbie