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48 more weeks, to a better life.

Debbie Reynolds October 23, 2018 Musings Comments (44)
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One of the last photos of us taken together Christmas 2014, It’s a copy I took from the original…

Sunday, I drove 3 hours round trip, and  I went to Church and then to Sunday School with Mr Shabby, and some of his Family. It was his first month of 12 in rehab for him. So many people in the Church that are part owners and help staff and run Project Rescue where he is came up to me and told me they loved Mr Shabby. They tell me he is doing well, working hard and really has made a huge difference in the facility with his eagerness to keep it clean and tidy. I had to laugh just a little, I’d like to think I had a part in that and after living with me over 35 years before we split three years ago I am a little OCD when it comes to keeping things in order at all times. Just part of who I am I guess not that I love it all the time, I do not, it can be a pain when you just have this thing that makes you want it to have things clean and in their place at all times. I have tried doing better with that the last few years, but still want things to be just so.

Anyway enough of me, back to Mr Shabby and his recovery. I love this place where he is, it is on 20 acres and has 2 ponds stocked, nestled back in the woods with cows, horses, ducks, and just beautiful countryside there in Priceville, Alabama. Mr Shabby, seems to fit in well, but I knew he would. He is easy-going, kind, thoughtful, helpful and most really people love him no matter where he goes, when he is drug free. Now, using of course might be a different story it is all about him and that next high, as with any addict. Before I shared his story I asked him if I could and he said yes. He wanted the prayers and recognized that he and I  needed them. Since our separation and divorce a few years ago, we remained friends, we knew that we would always care about each other, no matter what. Hard to spend that many years with another and not still care and want the best for them.

We went our own way for a bit, in between him using and trying hard to stay clean but, he couldn’t, or wouldn’t I do not know which one perhaps both. What I have learned is that addiction doesn’t discriminate! Rich, poor, male, female, young, old, it doesn’t care. The devil came here  with a purpose to steal, kill, and destroy and he means business. I know so many are going through this with loved ones, spouses, children, perhaps grandchildren etc. It is so hard to watch and sooner than later destroys families and the user.

It had really taken its toll on me I can tell you that with words of truth. I didn’t know if I was coming going or already been, and that is the honest truth. I came so close to losing EVERYTHING I worked for in my 28 years in the Government Housing industry. I still struggle each month to live here, and know that one day I will have to leave this home. I have looked for a PT job off and on but have not found one that I can stand up for a bit then sit for a bit, my back is just a mess so that makes it a little harder for me.  When I meet friends out to dinner and they want to sit afterwards to chat I’m the one getting up and sitting down over and over. It is getting better I do see a Chiropractor on a regular, so that is a good thing for me.

After Church Mr Shabby, his precious little sister, her husband and their daughter in law joined us for lunch, it is their Church that supports Project Rescue and the reason we found a place so fast for Mr Shabby.  He wants to remain living there  in that area after his time is up and  has asked me to think about marrying him again, once he has completed the 12 months and does well when he leaves and lives on his own.  So many things to consider, but I would remarry him in a heartbeat, if he remains clean after he leaves and stays in Church and teaches there at Project Rescue helping others that come in after he graduates. Giving back is one way to stay accountable.

Selling my home and moving where I have one friend from HS and his family makes me a bit uneasy, leaving my children and grandchildren not to mention all of my friends but the one. So, Mr. Shabby and I ask that you pray about this with us, agree with us that God has this and if it is meant to be the doors will open and all will work out the way God wishes. I am not pushing either way for anything, what is meant to be will be. Mr Shabby says, God first, then me, and so on, as it should be. Please know that he was always good to me, he did anything I asked of him but he was not good to himself and his addiction took him farther and farther away from me. Letting go was the only choice I had left after over 25 years of this and 35 years together. I had tried everything, I cried out to God many, many  times. Years ago God told me to MOVE stop picking him up, I didn’t listen but, when I finally did listen and let go, and moved out of God’s way things started to happen. It was one of the hardest things I’d ever done and I was depressed for a while over it. I was lost, I think I had become addicted to his addiction codependent they call it.  But, God did just what He said, He moved in and took Mr Shabby to the ground fast, leaving him only one way to go UP! or in the ground.

He chose UP! But, only after seeking the ground and failing as we found him in the nick of time. We had not heard from him in a few months and something in me just screamed out at me to find him and do it now. I told our son I had this gut feeling something was wrong and we needed to find him, or try. it was like looking for a needle in a haystack. But, when God sends you on a mission He takes you to all the right places at the right time, yes He does.

I want to thank you, each one of you that has prayed for us, written me, and cared enough to ask about us. God will pave the way for us. I want you to know that whatever your need God wants to hear from you. You can be suffering today from any situation and I encourage you to cry out to God, find a Church you love with people who really care about each other, and watch God move in your life or the lives of your loved ones. God has answered so many prayers for me it just blows my mind, seriously. He answered my prayers for both my son’s thank you, Father, I give Him all the glory! I’m asking  God for a home close to where Mr Shabby is for us and that we are able to pay for it with no payments at our age, that is a tall prayer request, I know. I would like to help others in need and give back all the goodness that God has given us over the years even through the heartaches! That is my prayer, that we will and can be in a position to give back in whatever way God has for us.

I do know that God may have a plan different from the one Mr Shabby and I have, we don’t know that yet, and only with time will we know.  I do think about that from time to time and know that His will is best, and not always what we want or envision for ourselves. I think I have waited so long for Mr Shabby to ask for the help he needed that I might still be in a dream world and I have to be realistic. when you love someone it is hard to see your life without them, but if God says no it’s no and He will show both of us the way, just separately. However, we both pray that is not what happens for obvious reasons.  Thank you, all of you for stopping by, sharing your thoughts and prayers, we appreciate you all so much. More than you will ever know.

 Love,

Debbie

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44 thoughts on “48 more weeks, to a better life.”

  1. Abide in God, and He will abide in you. You both are His precious children and oh so truly loved! Thank you for sharing your heart and life with us – with me! Sue

    Reply

    1. Susan, yes indeed. Sometimes I think people think me sharing is easy, you know what? It is not and never has been. God started this, He said I want you to share something a few years back, people need to know they are not alone. I said NO, Lord please not that. He was persistent and I did as He asked. From that day forward He has poured His grace over me each time I share hard, hurtful, shameful things in my life. He wants others to know that my life behind this screen seemed so good and together before Mr Shabby had a relapse a fews years back and here we went again. Life, it can be an amazing journey, even in hard time when you see the positive in bad situations. God, is Love and when I share from my heart He is there with me.
      Love,
      Debbie

      Reply

  2. I lost my only son to addiction. He tried and tried to stay clean and sober, and just couldn’t. I know it is way too early in Mr. Shabby’s recovery to make a life long decision affecting your live’s now. Leaving it in God’s hands and listening with you heart’s and minds is exactly what you need to do, but that doesn’t mean to stop loving. God’s plan isn’t always what we want but it is always what we need. Hugs to both of you Debbie and tell Mr. Shabby, thank you for sharing with us and to keep doing what he is doing. He will be so much happier and healthier.

    Reply

    1. Nancy, God bless you! I will tell him and I am sorry for your loss, from the bottom of my heart. There are those that can not seems to break that “strong hold” I know all to well from my oldest son’s father that passed away 2 years ago from an overdose. God bless, each family member going through this type of pain and loss because addiction affects the whole family, and the loss of a loved one stays with us, always!
      Love,
      Debbie

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      1. I hate drugs! I have a beautiful granddaughter that is rolling in addiction. A year ago this month she was in the hospital fighting for her life. She had overdosed three times and I thought that was a nightmare. But this time she shot up with a dirty needle and developed MRSA which is a staph infection that is resistant to most antibiotics. It affected every system including her heart, lungs, brain, kidneys and skin. Her heart stopped three times. We were told that we needed to discontinue life support as she was on the ventilator and had a brain full of staph.
        One doctor asked us to give him a few more days. He took her to the OR and replaced her mitral valve. It was a struggle, but she lived!!! She was 29 years old. She came home after three months in ICU
        and was clean about three months. Addiction called her back. Two days ago she was arrested. She has to stay three to five months in jail. We are looking for a rehab. None will take her due to her medical condition. The jail is taking her to her cardiac surgeon tomorrow. If she passes the physical, there is a rehab in Atlanta that MIGHT take her. If she has destroyed her new mitral valve, her cardiac surgeon will not operate again and she will die. She was showing signs of cardiac problems when she was arrested. I’m a RN. I believe she has destroyed that valve. I know that if she dies, I will see her again and she will be well! She said just last week that she felt like God was calling her home. I love her beyond words. She is my first grandchild. This is breaking my heart. I not only worry about her, I worry about my daughter…her mother. God please! God please help my baby! God, hold her hand. Even if you have to let go of mine, hold hers! Please pray for my baby!!!!

        Reply

        1. Oh Priscilla, my heart goes out to you and your family. I will pray for her you got it my FB friend. I feel your pain through your words and I can so relate. Addiction is a family affair not just for the addict. Please, keep me posted will you?
          Love,
          Debbie

  4. I have been where you are with a relative. It’s too early in his recovery for either of you to make life altering decision. Stay by his side, pray with and for him, but most of all take care of yourself. Prayers for y’all.

    Reply

      1. Debbie I am Prayin for you an Mr.Shabby continuesly. You are such an uplifting lady….thank you for being you …Debby

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        1. Debby, Mr Shabby, who named himself by the way after the page when I first opened it. I didn’t name him that for any reason. We thank you, and do appreciate the thoughtful comments, and the prayers. We know God hears our prayers. We have a lot to be thankful for and we also know that. God bless.
          Love,
          Debbie

  5. Debbie, I’m happy to read your posts again. I hope you too are in therapy so the complete healing will happen. Hugs to you.

    Reply

    1. Ester, thank you. I am glad you are getting my post, I start next month. So, yes I sure will be.
      Since I do not have my parents here to check on me and insist that I too get some therapy, I thank you for realizing that that goes both ways. We BOTH need it.
      Love,
      Debbie

      Reply

  6. Debbie,
    Prayers for you and your husband. For God to completely heal him of his addition and then for God to reveal his will for his life and yours. I would love to say so much more but will refrain. Prayers for you both
    Peggy

    Reply

    1. Peggy, you could have spoke and said all that you wanted too, that would have been ok with me. Thank you, and I pray that God delivers Mr Shabby from this for good and helps him to understand why it started to begin with, as well as me someone to talk to. It was not easy on my end nor his. The addict and the family all suffer from the effects of the addiction.
      Love,
      Debbie

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  9. Hi Debbie!
    I believe that God has brought you and Mr.Shabby this far and that he is going to continue to work thru you both, to continue to bring glory to his Wonderful name! God takes our messes and turns them into messages and beautiful blessings! I just appreciate your willingness to share in all your struggles and heartache, in order to bring hope and faith to others, including me. We all have struggles in life and it helps to keep us going when we see and hear of God’s blessings and miracles! May God continue to bless you and your family , always. Great is his love and faithfulness!
    Love,
    Wanda from Texas!

    Reply

    1. Wanda,first let me say again, yes we all have trials. Without the test there would be no testimonies, right. I’m learning a little bit about myself since Mr Shabby’s been there in the almost 5 weeks. Listening to him has opened my eyes to my own issue that I might not have otherwise seen. God, truly has brought Mr Shabby and I through more than you could ever imagine. We hung in there I believe because of the strong love we have between us. I want him to be healthy and happy I know that 100%. There are many people that do not get our relationship some do. All that matters is we do and God does. Great is thy faithfulness, that is for sure, you are right my friend. Thank you, so much for you comment and God bless you too.

      Love,
      Debbie

      Reply

  10. Debbie, Thank you for sharing your story. I am sure that he has been helpful and insightful for many people. Keep your faith strong and God will take care of you. Love and prayers to both you and Mr. Shabby.

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  11. Debbie, my heart aches for you. I know you have been struggling with all that is going on in your life. I know God can change anyone if He chooses. The thing you must remember is that you praise God in the bad times just as you do in the good times. I am praying that God will give you the desires of your heart in this situation, but if God answers your prayer in a different way than you want you must be prepared to accept it. I wish you both the best, and I ask you to cling to God’s hand no matter what. He will never let you down! Love in Christ, Joni

    Reply

    1. Joni, you are right. I do know that there is a chance God’s will might not be for Mr Shabby and I to be together. It dawned on me a couple of weeks ago and I to our son and Mr Shabby, that all this time I had been praying while he was gone it was to help him, heal him allow him to be happy and live a drug free life. I had not asked God to put us together rather to watch over him, protect him, heal him so that he could be happy again. At this point it is all in God’s hands, and Mr Shabby may never been clean for long, I don’t know. I try not to worry about things that are beyond my control, but I do think about that from time to time. Thank you, Joni for a reality check.And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
      Love,
      Debbie

      Reply

  12. What an amazing testimony you have and now Mr. Shabby as well. God is faithful and we must trust Him even when nothing makes sense. I was so happy to hear that you both may find your way back to each other through marriage. My Mom and stepfather divorced, were apart for several years while I was in high school and then after nearly 10yrs, remarried. They were meant to be together and I pray you and Mr. Shabby will be blessed to start your new lives together once again. God bless you Debbie. Good night FB friend

    Reply

    1. Deborah, we both do too. Time will tell, Mr Shabby has a lot of things to deal with and you know, I think I do as well. Thank you, for your kind words and I pray that God will allow us to remarry and live the life we were to have through Him.
      Love,
      Debbie

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  13. Debbie, when you found Mr. shabby I knew God was going to bring you back together! I will be praying for you and Mr. Shabby! Our God is a God of Miracles and he is doing that in your lives now! Believe and Trust ❤️
    Judy

    Reply

    1. Judy, thank you. I will never forget that night. It truly was like looking for a needle in a haystack. That was the odds of us having any idea where to start. I know that he is in a good way right now but, I also know he is in a controlled environment and it makes it easier. They do get one on one help so maybe the reason or reasons why he used will come out and help him to know how to handle that part of the addiction.
      Love,
      Debbie

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  14. Stay strong Debbie. Keep the faith that better days are a head. God has sustained you and will continue to walk beside you and your family! You guys are in my prayers♡

    Reply

  15. Debbie,
    Thank you for sharing your story. My thoughts and prayers are with you both! You are right, we serve an awesome God and His plans are the best. Much love to you and Mr. Shabby.

    Reply

  16. I’m so glad to hear things are looking brighter. I’m excited that Mr Shabby is in a good place to work his recovery. That is amazing. Praying for you and Mr. Shabby that God will continue to,heal and will open all the doors you need.

    Reply

    1. TD, thank you. He is in a good place, and my prayer is the Mr Shabby leaves there in 48 weeks and never even has the desire to use again. Not just clean but no more desires. It has been a long hard road all the years dealing with his addiction and I’m certain it was not always easy for him. There is a stronghold that I think addicts get and it can be a beast for sure. The devil doesn’t play.
      Love,
      Debbie

      Reply

  17. Thank you Debbie fr sharing. Though it is a testament to your love and trust in God that does not make it easier. It is clear you speak from the heart. Gods blessing on you both. I will be standing in prayer for you both that God provides you with all you need. “In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy path. Proverbs 3:6

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  18. Praying for you and your husband to be showered with God’s love and grace and that His will for your life is crystal clear!

    Reply

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