48 more weeks, to a better life.

One of the last photos of us taken together Christmas 2014, It’s a copy I took from the original…

Sunday, I drove 3 hours round trip, and  I went to Church and then to Sunday School with Mr Shabby, and some of his Family. It was his first month of 12 in rehab for him. So many people in the Church that are part owners and help staff and run Project Rescue where he is came up to me and told me they loved Mr Shabby. They tell me he is doing well, working hard and really has made a huge difference in the facility with his eagerness to keep it clean and tidy. I had to laugh just a little, I’d like to think I had a part in that and after living with me over 35 years before we split three years ago I am a little OCD when it comes to keeping things in order at all times. Just part of who I am I guess not that I love it all the time, I do not, it can be a pain when you just have this thing that makes you want it to have things clean and in their place at all times. I have tried doing better with that the last few years, but still want things to be just so.

Anyway enough of me, back to Mr Shabby and his recovery. I love this place where he is, it is on 20 acres and has 2 ponds stocked, nestled back in the woods with cows, horses, ducks, and just beautiful countryside there in Priceville, Alabama. Mr Shabby, seems to fit in well, but I knew he would. He is easy-going, kind, thoughtful, helpful and most really people love him no matter where he goes, when he is drug free. Now, using of course might be a different story it is all about him and that next high, as with any addict. Before I shared his story I asked him if I could and he said yes. He wanted the prayers and recognized that he and I  needed them. Since our separation and divorce a few years ago, we remained friends, we knew that we would always care about each other, no matter what. Hard to spend that many years with another and not still care and want the best for them.

We went our own way for a bit, in between him using and trying hard to stay clean but, he couldn’t, or wouldn’t I do not know which one perhaps both. What I have learned is that addiction doesn’t discriminate! Rich, poor, male, female, young, old, it doesn’t care. The devil came here  with a purpose to steal, kill, and destroy and he means business. I know so many are going through this with loved ones, spouses, children, perhaps grandchildren etc. It is so hard to watch and sooner than later destroys families and the user.

It had really taken its toll on me I can tell you that with words of truth. I didn’t know if I was coming going or already been, and that is the honest truth. I came so close to losing EVERYTHING I worked for in my 28 years in the Government Housing industry. I still struggle each month to live here, and know that one day I will have to leave this home. I have looked for a PT job off and on but have not found one that I can stand up for a bit then sit for a bit, my back is just a mess so that makes it a little harder for me.  When I meet friends out to dinner and they want to sit afterwards to chat I’m the one getting up and sitting down over and over. It is getting better I do see a Chiropractor on a regular, so that is a good thing for me.

After Church Mr Shabby, his precious little sister, her husband and their daughter in law joined us for lunch, it is their Church that supports Project Rescue and the reason we found a place so fast for Mr Shabby.  He wants to remain living there  in that area after his time is up and  has asked me to think about marrying him again, once he has completed the 12 months and does well when he leaves and lives on his own.  So many things to consider, but I would remarry him in a heartbeat, if he remains clean after he leaves and stays in Church and teaches there at Project Rescue helping others that come in after he graduates. Giving back is one way to stay accountable.

Selling my home and moving where I have one friend from HS and his family makes me a bit uneasy, leaving my children and grandchildren not to mention all of my friends but the one. So, Mr. Shabby and I ask that you pray about this with us, agree with us that God has this and if it is meant to be the doors will open and all will work out the way God wishes. I am not pushing either way for anything, what is meant to be will be. Mr Shabby says, God first, then me, and so on, as it should be. Please know that he was always good to me, he did anything I asked of him but he was not good to himself and his addiction took him farther and farther away from me. Letting go was the only choice I had left after over 25 years of this and 35 years together. I had tried everything, I cried out to God many, many  times. Years ago God told me to MOVE stop picking him up, I didn’t listen but, when I finally did listen and let go, and moved out of God’s way things started to happen. It was one of the hardest things I’d ever done and I was depressed for a while over it. I was lost, I think I had become addicted to his addiction codependent they call it.  But, God did just what He said, He moved in and took Mr Shabby to the ground fast, leaving him only one way to go UP! or in the ground.

He chose UP! But, only after seeking the ground and failing as we found him in the nick of time. We had not heard from him in a few months and something in me just screamed out at me to find him and do it now. I told our son I had this gut feeling something was wrong and we needed to find him, or try. it was like looking for a needle in a haystack. But, when God sends you on a mission He takes you to all the right places at the right time, yes He does.

I want to thank you, each one of you that has prayed for us, written me, and cared enough to ask about us. God will pave the way for us. I want you to know that whatever your need God wants to hear from you. You can be suffering today from any situation and I encourage you to cry out to God, find a Church you love with people who really care about each other, and watch God move in your life or the lives of your loved ones. God has answered so many prayers for me it just blows my mind, seriously. He answered my prayers for both my son’s thank you, Father, I give Him all the glory! I’m asking  God for a home close to where Mr Shabby is for us and that we are able to pay for it with no payments at our age, that is a tall prayer request, I know. I would like to help others in need and give back all the goodness that God has given us over the years even through the heartaches! That is my prayer, that we will and can be in a position to give back in whatever way God has for us.

I do know that God may have a plan different from the one Mr Shabby and I have, we don’t know that yet, and only with time will we know.  I do think about that from time to time and know that His will is best, and not always what we want or envision for ourselves. I think I have waited so long for Mr Shabby to ask for the help he needed that I might still be in a dream world and I have to be realistic. when you love someone it is hard to see your life without them, but if God says no it’s no and He will show both of us the way, just separately. However, we both pray that is not what happens for obvious reasons.  Thank you, all of you for stopping by, sharing your thoughts and prayers, we appreciate you all so much. More than you will ever know.

 Love,

Debbie