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Finding HOPE-

Debbie Reynolds February 17, 2020 Life & Inspiration Comments (24)
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Have you ever had so many emotions stirring up all at the same time? Excitement, happiness, love, anger, fear to name a few. Some might say that is not possible, but, I beg to differ with them. Emotions are like a Merry Go Round, the come and go around and around in many of us. Especially is you have things in your life that was much easier to just bury deep within you, rather than deal with it.

Trust me when I say I’ve had things buried so deeply I had forgotten them on a conscious level but subconsciously, they came out in many of those emotions I share in the first paragraph. Those emotions that I described as a Merry Go Round that continue to come and go, up and down around and around. At times it feels like you are on a roller coaster. Much like an amusement park, without the fun.

It takes most of us years and years to get to the root cause of this, and it is usually when you have A.) Finally said that’s it I can’t live like this anymore. B.) Sickness comes at you one right after the other because of the toll it can have on the body. C.) You decide that you no longer have to hold onto anything that doesn’t serve you in a positive way. But, for many years, and for some all their lives you live with hurtful, ugly things that cause you to be emotional.

Oh, sure you have your good days, weeks, etc. but, whatever it is you’re holding onto rears it’s ugly head just when things are starting to get better in your life, why? I use to wonder, why, why can the past not just leave me alone, let me be. My mistakes, my truths about hurt, anger caused by hurt, abuse and more anger for not having a voice in the abuse. It has taken a few years of weekly therapy, yes I am in therapy weekly and it has been part of my healing process.

As human beings we are not perfect, we make mistakes, we either learn from them or continue them. Eventually, we realize that what we are doing is not working and pay attention to the hardships, pray, seek God’s guidance and try to change the way we react to the same emotions. I still have a lot of old issues within me for decades but, when they try to rise up in me, I have learned that I can deal with them in other ways. Like, my thinking about one issue that caused me so much hurt, pain, shame from my childhood. I have since learned that I was a child, I was 5, it was not my fault, I did nothing to cause myself any of that.

I put the blame where it goes and that is away from me. I am learning to heal the shame that had me in bondage for so many years by realizing that people are not perfect, and in fact can be something from pure evil to mental illness to sadly repeating what had caused them so much pain. Either way, once we understand that we have nothing to be ashamed of, we were the ones violated in whatever way that hurt us, we are no longer the victims but the victors.

Amen to that, the VICTORS will rise up and share that when you have been deeply scarred and feel the shame of that pain, there is HOPE. First of all my HOPE comes from Christ, who gave me the wisdom to seek the help that saw the pain and allowed me to see it for what it really was. It belongs to the one that caused the pain, not to me. it no longer has a place in my life or a life of its own. It can be described as an addiction of sorts, something that keeps you from really enjoying your life might keep you angry for no reason you can see, but you feel that anger and shame daily. Yes for a few moments you can let it go but it can take on a life of its own as mine did.

Through the Grace of God, and weekly sections I’ve learned that I am worthy, I am loved, I am good, I am beautiful, I am thoughtful, I am caring and I am free from the shame that once had me so bound I displayed all those emotions at once and thought maybe I am bipolar, yes, give it a name so we can move forward, but that was not it’s name. I am not bipolar, I was abused and it stunted my emotional growth for years and years. I struggled every day of my life. Now at 64, I am understanding that that 5-year-old did nothing wrong, she deserved none of that but, the blame doesn’t belong to her then or me now. We, she and I have set ourselves free. Praise the Lord, there is always HOPE. I never gave up on HOPE, somehow I knew I would make it to the other side, thank you, God.

There is one thing I would ask anyone that has lived through this or any kind of abuse. What would you say to that little girl, adolescent, teen, young adult, or woman within? Depending on when your abuse started. For me I made sure the little girl in me knew I loved her, she was safe with and in me. She did nothing wrong and she was loved by me.

God Bless-

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24 thoughts on “Finding HOPE-”

  2. Glad you have found a counselor that can help you. It’s time Debbie in your life to be set free from this abuse you got at such a young age…You got this! Praying God gives you the peace you deserve…🙏❤️

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  3. Debbie –

    I too am in therapy on a regular basis and it, along with God, gets me through. I was in an abusive relationship when I was in my mid-20’s. I have no doubt if I hadn’t left when I did I wouldn’t be here today. It was a Bible verse that I saw on a friends mantle that finally gave me the courage to leave. Phil. 4:13
    For 12 years my brain kept all that hurt tucked away until it finally surfaced. I was on a plane and had my first of many anxiety attacks. That’s when my intense therapy of 2 1/2 years began. I went through EMDR and as hard as it was it finally helped break my cycle of flashbacks and constant anxiety and being robbed of living. It is by the grace of God that I’m alive. I’ve begun to speak publicly about my journey hoping it will give someone else the courage to seek help.
    I’m now 61 and still have those moments of anxiety but I’m able to cope with it much better. I also found myself praying for my abuser one Sunday in church. That was a God thing because I certainly never would’ve prayed for him. That has helped my healing even more.
    Thank you for sharing your life with us, the good and the bad. May you continue to move forward and life each day to its fullest. May you be blessed. And thank you for listening. We are not alone. 🌻🌻🌻🌻

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    1. Kathy, (((hugs))) to you. I HOPE that you continue to heal too. No, we are not alone and many of us come from a generation of “don’t talk don’t tell.” Some still feel that is best but, I do not. I will never ever name my abuser’s never. I’m not here to expose anyone, or hurt anyone, there has been enough of that inside of me for over 4 decades. We have the right to speak out and share how hard it was on us, mentally, emotionally, in relationships, with ourselves, it affected me in so many ways that I did not even see until the past year. So, I am speaking out for myself and other women. God bless you.
      Love,
      Debbie

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      1. Debbie – Thank you again for sharing your journey with us…..and thanks for listening. Hope the sun is shining on you today!

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        1. Kathy, yes we do have Sun here today, thank you, Lord. It is cold as blazes but I can take it when the sun is out. Have a wonderful weekend. I am a good listener, so anytime! I love to hear people’s stories, and always willing to pray for anyone in need.
          Love,
          Debbie

  5. Oh sweet friend, my heart hurts for that little girl who was so trapped! Praise God, HE has lead you to such a wonderful counselor! You are so brave in diving into the situations that haunted you so! I am so proud and thankful that you are getting so much help! And you are loving yourself as you were to meant to do!! Put your arms around yourself and that’s me hugging you!!💐❤️Love you and sending sweet blessings your way!

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    1. Susan, I love you and your spirit, I have no doubts that if you and I loved close we would be friends, sisters.
      Have an awesome afternoon. For me, it had to come to the surface then I had to digest it piece by piece to get PEACE for myself and as I said, love me for me and embrace that little girl that still lives within me.
      Love,
      Debbie

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      1. Debbie, I’m pretty sure we would be close friends and sisters, too! Have a wonderful, peaceful night!😴❤️😇

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  6. I am feeling some of what you are describing and with the Lord, I am able to figure it out. I have to get into those lonely quiet times to really hear him through his word. Praying for you! God has got you! <3

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    1. Gina, I understand and the Lord has been working on me for years. I had buried these things so deep that as I said on a conscious level all I knew in my heart was something was wrong. With the therapy, God was able to slowly let things come to the surface. I was sick to my stomach the first flashbacks that came to me pulling over on the side of the interstate to throw up. At first, I thought I do not want to know more, but, I really did. That wonderful therapist retired and for years it was God and me. Until I found this lady and she has truly helped me to put into perspective what was started with the other therapist that was ready to retire 4 years before she started with me and stayed for me. Hang in there with God, therapy is not for everyone but, for me, it has been a Godsend. Have a sweet afternoon.
      Love,
      Debbie

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    1. Barbara, you are right I was a baby really until I was 12 this went on and I was not to blame for what happened or how I handled it. A child has no idea how to deal with that most adults do not. Shame, sadness, fear, anxiety, even PTSD come to mind for many that have faced this and had to live with it and was told do not talk do not tell. Have a blessed afternoon.
      Love,
      Debbie

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  8. You can never go wrong with Christ in your life, so glad you have the good Lord in your life and whatever other help that is needed. I really believe that you are on your way to a very good life. Keep at it, and keep your faith in God who can cure it all and bring good things to your life if you just ask. You are on my prayer list.

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    1. Barbara, took me years to get here, but, I knew I needed some guidance, one on one. She has turned out to be a positive decision for me. She doesn’t let me off the hook, she doesn’t allow me to be critical of myself without examining why, etc. So, I’ve learned somethings about myself that are all positive. Have a blessed evening.
      Love,
      Debbie

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  10. So glad you have made it to the other side and have shaken off the shame and self-doubt that have held you down for so many yezrs. You are a good and loving person who gives of herself every day. Thanking God for lifting you up; may Be continue to bless your journey.

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  11. Oh, Debbie, I am so proud of you and for you. God in you the hope of glory! We have so many promises from our God that we can claim and I am so thankful. You are in my prayers daily. You just keep on letting us know how God is helping you and we will continue to lift you up in prayer.

    Reply

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