Good evening everyone, I wanted to thank you all for the prayers this week. I have been in a lot of pain most of the week and it all eased up yesterday. I have had issues before from my gallbladder. Several years back they found one very small polyp, last week another one. I have stomach issues have since I can remember.
Why, you ask is Debbie sharing this information and where is she going with it? Ok, incase you didn’t know from some of my post, I suffer from anxiety and panic disorder. Those of you that read my story know some of the things from my childhood as it was written in my book, the one I never could finish but came so close. I have learned in life that it is not the event, issues at hand or circumstances but how you handle them.
I am awful at that a total failure when it comes to letting go of things that have help me in bondage. Yes, so many things I have let go of but there are things from my past that cut me to my very core and while I have forgiven I still have a time handling stress in a productive way. My struggles are not exclusive so many of you can relate and it can be a living Hell!
This is one of the reasons I do what I do in sharing positive, beautiful thoughts, photos, for each of you on my FB page. I try to share things here on the blog as well and it seems that I often shut down when trying to express my feelings. Tonight, I wanted to thank you. Each of you that follow the FB page and tell me how I inspire you, please know that you do the very same for me. I have learned that giving of yourself when you are stuck, hurting, or just feeling like you need to give of yourself helps you in so many ways.
But, there has to be balance and it has taken me 5 decades to realize that, can you believe that. I’m starting to wonder if my gallbladder is the inflammation in my body caused by that word I loathe, STRESS! Remember it’s not a bad word but, it’s all in how we handle it. There are so many things I ant to do in my life and my minds races at where to go next. So, when I get all in a tither I have to slow down a bit and regroup. Sometimes that is hard for my type personality that thinks all things have to be perfect at all times.
I was sitting here this afternoon thinking, Lord, it is time for me to move change scenery, change things. But, then my next thought was wherever would I go, what is it that I really want. In 12 days I’ll be 63 and I need a change, I crave it. I’m praying that through therapy I will learn how to handle stress in a positive way for the first time in my whole life. I chose therapy at this time on my life because we all have stress right? But, I never learned or had the tools to handle it in a productive way and it has really caught up with me. I’m learning that I can breath and say no and not let it eat me alive with guilt that I said no to someone. I’m writing this tonight because I want all of you to know me, the real me behind the post. The person pleaser, no matter what I am to please. But, when I decided that it was taking it awful toll on me a few years back, the way I handled it was through anger at times that only made things worse. I know that is not productive nor the way I want to be or come across ever to anyone if it can be helped. I also know that so many of you can relate to what I’m saying. I think this therapy is going well and I made the right decision at this time in my life for me.
Over the years so many of you have said take care of you, Debbie. I read it, I heard it but, I didn’t apply it. I am living alone for the first time in my life at 62. Mr Shabby gone and my youngest moved out earlier this year, I didn’t prepare well for the financial part of this time in my life, I always thought I had time, well hey time has a way of knocking on your door faster than we ever thought. So, I am learning to adjust to that, one day at a time. Things have a way of working out with time and the good Lord, I believe that God has this and He hears and sees all my tears prayers and cried for help not just for myself but for so many along my path in this journey.
I wish you all a blessed Christmas, and a Happy New Year. again each of you mean the world to me. Also know that I keep asking you to come to the blogspot here and check on our ads because it helps pay for and keep it running, and I get to see what ads work best and which ones do not.
Love to all,
Debbie