For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
This is something that affects me acutely, and I know that it is something that everyone feels at least once in their lifetime, if not more. As a type-A perfectionist, I can feel “not good enough” several times a day. I’ve even noticed how it affects my interactions with my family and friends. I’m constantly filling in the blanks of what I imagine their thoughts are of me. Even in conversation, I will stop myself — I will literally stop the flow of our conversation — to correct myself, justify or defend what I just said, or add a cliff note, so that they know that I have a good heart or so that they do not detect even a hint of weakness within me.
During one of these long conversations, my good friend caught onto this formed trait of mine and said, “You know, you don’t have to edit yourself for me. You can speak freely and without judgment.” When my friend said this to me, tears began to bud at the rims of my eyes. This was the first time I had heard those words out loud. I had never been given permission or given myself permission to just be me.
The freedom I felt at that moment was the greatest feeling I had ever experienced. This made me think, “Why do I do this? Why do I value myself so little when no one around me feels this way about me?” And if no one around me sees me this way, then I know that my Father in heaven doesn’t either.
I realized that this was learned and formed behavior. Growing up in a dysfunctional family, chaos was always around the corner. So, to cope with the rejection of my father and the inconsistency of everyday life, I thought that if I could be perfect if I could control every situation, then nothing bad would ever happen to us again.
But the fallen world doesn’t allow this. There is so much out of our control. This fact, along with the overwhelming standards of beauty, performance, and success, produces a perfect storm of anxiety about not being good enough. I know so many people feel this way, which stems from a variety of reasons and causes, but, as Christians, we know that this is really a lie from the enemy.
Although we may know this in our heads, it is hard to drown out the loud voices and deep-seated feelings to the contrary. This is where the truth of Scripture comes into play. This is where God’s own words penetrate the darkness to tell us how loved we are, how beautiful we are, and how we are so important to the Lord Almighty that he meticulously formed us and bore the scorn of the cross for us.
Enjoy your weekend
You Are Enough-
